7 Pitfalls of Living in the Pacific Northwest

Living in the Pacific Northwest is a blessing and a curse.

It’s hard to pin down what you should do with your free time. I mean, good gravy on a stick, the options are endless! Do I check out that new coffee roaster that just opened up? Or how about a ski weekend? But my friend asked me to brunch on Saturday, and I won’t be able to hit the slopes in time if I do brunch….but man, I really want that gourmet eggs benedict with the quail egg and crème fraise hollandaise sauce!

As a Portlander, these are the thoughts that run through my head always. My ‘living in Oregon pros and cons’ list just keeps getting longer, where the pros (so far) far outweigh the cons. But I digress…

Here are seven other aspects of the PNW that make it (somewhat) challenging to live here.

The Seattle Freeze

1.Sometimes the hipsters just make me crazy. Think ‘Portlandia.‘ And then take it up a notch. Yes, Portland REALLY is a lot like the show. And then Seattle is (just a tad) the same way, with their high-tech hipsters, coffee snob personalities and bookstore eccentric ladies. But they’ll never admit it. On any given Saturday morning, rain or shine, you will see the hipsters walking down the street with their French bulldog, chatting on their cell phones with a slight look of entitlement in their eyes. But if you ask them for directions they will not hesitate to pause their conversation and direct you politely.

Ever heard of the Seattle Freeze? Look it up, it’s a thing. They will include you in a conversation but exclude you from their lives. Maybe it’s because deep down they know that you will think them too trendy, or that you’re just passing through, or that you will not like them in the end. Don’t take it personally. It’s just city life and we’re all trying to just make it to the next art gallery opening.

2. It rains ALL the time! Well, that’s a lie. It does rain, mostly west of the Cascades, but then that’s where the vast majority of people live. And it rains pretty damn frequently. We’re not talking your regular rain. Much of the time its just a light mist. Enough to annoy the hell out of you and certainly enough to get a good soak through your clothes. Unless you’re geared up in waterproof clothing from head to toe, that is.

As much as it does rain, it hardly ever comes down in buckets. That’s why you will see claims that the PNW does not get as much rain as, say, Atlanta. The south can get some mighty serious downpours, leading to the rain gauge filling up faster. Get my drift? Speaking of drift, we’ll talk about snow in a little bit.

We’re not the greatest drivers

And when it’s not raining? 3. Chances are the skies are grey. Except for two months of the year, around July-August, when the heat and sun hit you like a ton of bricks pretty much constantly. And when it snows, for the love of Pete, DO NOT brave other drivers in your car. We freak at the slightest hint of snow out there in our death machines. I kid you not, I’ve seen the entire city of Portland literally shut down at 2 inches of snow. We unequivocally CANNOT drive in snow. And a strange dichotomy is that Portlanders are very timid drivers (see Fred Armisen Gif above), while Seattlites are very aggressive behind the wheel. And the Canadians? Don’t get me started. 

Seasonal Affective Disorder. That’s SAD for you lay people. It’s also a thing. The near constant grey in the winter gets a lot of us down. Hence the plethora of coffee establishments. 

The above chart should prove to you why Portlanders short circuit at the 2″ snow mark.

4. It’s a place for dreamers. Hmmm, is this really a BAD thing? No doubt, the Pacific Northwest has a mega-healthy lifestyle, from the vegan city dwellers to the crisp clean air of the forests, this section of our planet practically begs you to put down roots here and live the lifestyle of your dreams. Only we really don’t want you to. You can visit, of course, but when you’re done ooh-ing and ahh-ing over our food carts, our weirdness and our scenery, please go quietly back to your corner of the world. There’s too much of an influx of people as it is – it’s creating a chronic homeless problem in our cities and the cost of living is only getting higher. Please. Don’t move here. (She says with tongue firmly in cheek.)

That said, there really is no better place to experience everything life has to offer in this part of the country. The ocean, the mountains, the valleys and forests, and even the desert are all within a few hours drive. And when you’re done playing outside, there are cities with all of their culture, great food and COFFEE.

5. If you want to live in the cities, be prepared to pay. This one is serious. You will pay for your culture. You will pay for living within walking distance of that hip new restaurant. Unless you can afford a house, be prepared to live in a highrise apartment with a neighbor above you who likes to stomp around at six every morning – even on weekends. Of course, it is more affordable to live out in the sticks, but you will be bored off your ass. That is unless you LIKE sitting on your ass in your affordable house or apartment.

Don’t move here, really.

6. It’s just too damn beautiful. Why would you want to leave? Wait, what did I just say? Apparently I’m contradicting myself! I’m all about travel and getting out of my backyard. But it’s so hard to do this when you live in the most beautiful place in the world.

So let’s keep it beautiful, shall we?

There’s a reason it is green here, If you MUST live here, please oh please do as we do and start to learn what composting and recycling is! Give yourself a general lesson in conservation, start acting upon it; then we can talk. 

Along with natural beauty, we also like to keep our cities and towns looking great. This comes courtesy of historical and modern architecture, and a general sense of pride people take in their surroundings. You will find green spaces in Vancouver, B.C., Seattle, and Portland more so than in most other big cities. Street art by established artists can be found everywhere.

7. We are grossly overdue for the BIG ONE. See why here!!! If you live here, you best be prepared with a healthy set of rations, an earthquake preparedness kit, and your affairs in order. Because you know what? The earthquake WILL happen. Don’t let me strike the fear of God in you, but here’s the deal. It could happen next week. Or it could happen 50 years from now. Just be prepared and don’t come whining to Explorer Sue like I didn’t warn ya.